Lost in transition

Lost,lonely ,abandoned ,exhausted,broken ,is this really the state known as transition.A wise lady once said to me transition the only way to get though it is to look into the eyes of Jesus and focus on Him. It's been 3 months since we landed in the UK.The weather has been wet,damp ,cold which added to the negative feelings that are so overwhelming.

For 10 years I have always felt if I can only get back to the UK everything would be OK.Now I am back and I am lost.My family are lost why?

As I reflect I am reminded of giving birth to my first born.As a woman moves onto the second stage of labour she hits transition.the time when she can't do anymore,she is angry tired and feels like it's so not worth it.Of course we can't run away and we have to let nature take its course but oh the relief the joy when the new human being comes into the world.Was it worth it,oh yes,do we survive,absolutely is there indescribable joy,definitely.I came out the other side stronger with a new identity I was a mother but Oh what a privilege.Did I put myself in that situation again ,yes twice more.So birth is only a relatively short transition although intense.Some of the feelings are the same.In church we are talking about acts of courage ,for me it's an act of courage just to get out of bed.

Will joy come in the morning ,definitely Father has promised it.How long will we feel like this,who knows but oh the joy when we come out the other side. Lost ,lonely,abandoned,exhausted,broken ,that's me for a while but it's not my identity.One day there will be an atmosphere shift and all these things will fade like a bad dream.The only thing that will remain is the kind loving eyes of the saviour who is with us in the transition and with us in the joy.

Mum

Tomorrow will mark the six month anniversary of Mums death.Its still so raw and feels like it was yesterday,but its been six months.Life has continued I have returned to Asia.Yet the reality has still not hit.I still find myself checking skype to see if she is online or sending her notes over facebook.The thought of letting go is far to hard.
Death another transition ,I wont be with her again in this life.I am now an orphan.It hurts so much.She is another ripple that is fading away.Yet I will see  her again in the beauty of His glory.I am thankful for that.

Goodbye

 Goodbyes are a huge part of all of our lives.At first I thought it was just because of the lifestyle we lived but goodbyes are for everyone.Its true it is intensified here.Nothing stays the same people die,people leave and a void is created.We are in our last year here in Asia,having said so many goodbyes in the last 10 years and now its our time to go.Its hard to not really know the future but we know that the Father is always the same and will never leave us or forsake us.I love it,I hate it all at the same time but I am so grateful that every goodbye means that someone has really enriched my life.Thank you for all the tears and the joy.Thank you Father for the privilege of being with you here.Thank you  that goodbye is not the end because one day it will be Hello and that will be forever.